By, Niki Samakar

Today I went to visit Adrianne's grave for the first time since we laid her to rest in February. I live in Provo so I don't have much opportunity to go up to Murray, but today was the funeral of another friend (Kim Hilton Bradbury's father--Kim went to Parkside with Adrianne and me and was in our class at Murray). I couldn't find the chapel, and the mortuary was empty, so I decided to go wait for the internment at the Murray City cemetery. On the way, I stopped to get some flowers and the prettiest ones there happened to be Calla Lilies. It briefly crossed my mind, "Hey, these are Adrianne's favorite," before I reminded myself that I always give Adrianne red flowers and then headed over to checkout.

When I got to the cemetery it was freezing cold and I didn't see an area set up for Kim's dad anywhere, so I thought it would be the perfect time to go visit Adrianne. I think about her all the time, almost every day, and I've had a really hard time dealing with her passing, so it was good to be able to go visit her for the first time. I always wondered what I would want to say to her if I could just sit there and talk to her and get it all out, but in the end all I felt like saying was that I love her and miss her. I think she knows the rest :)

Her new tombstone is beautiful! I love the red shoes and the lilies engraved on it. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her parents to have their names on either side and hers in the middle. But you know what? It was so peaceful and happy there. I was so worried about how I'd feel once I finally went to visit but Annie didn't let me feel sad at all. There was this intense happiness radiating from the area of her tombstone that went up several feet into the air, a peace and joy that told me she was sooo happy. It was almost like when you're around her and she's smiling and full of energy, and it was like that energy was just filling the space around her. She may as well have been standing right in front of me telling a joke at a party. There were some drying red roses sitting in a pot on the stone, and I half thought that they must be planted into the ground and that's Adrianne's spirit growing through them because of how much happiness seemed to be radiating through them. I couldn't tear my eyes away from them for a minute. I think she's really happy and very okay. And in the end, I couldn't wait in the cold any longer for the Hiltons to arrive, so I gave the Calla Lillies to Adrianne instead. Funny how that worked out :)

I'm really glad I went because until now I always wanted to visit the McBrides but was afraid I'd just lose it and bring them down instead of making them feel better. Even at her viewing, I lost it pretty bad and Mike McBride had to hold me until I could breathe again. I felt so stupid, because here's this 17-year-old kid who just lost his sister and HE'S comforting ME, so I tried to pull away but he just wouldn't let go. I appreciate that so much. And I couldn't believe that her family could stand in front of her open casket for 5 hours shaking people's hands. I told my mom and she couldn't believe it either. How did they handle that?

But now that I've gone and realized how happy and peaceful Annie is, I think I'll be okay to visit the McBrides more. And I'm really, really glad she's so happy.